I grew up with psycho parents. Really. Psycho. No need to rehash all of the drama and trauma...suffice to say I've done my best to treat my childhood, as many do, like a salad bar: I pick over the crap and take only the golden nuggets that can be of use. But truthfully, many things have unfortunately and inadvertently followed--no, stalked--me into adulthood.
One of those things is this tendency to constantly, secretly, scrutinize myself in every way: body, intellect, accomplishments, and actions are all measured by a bar that can never be reached. It is never stagnant, and seems to raise each time I catch a glimpse of it.
And yet, I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this inability to be satisfied with one's self...which makes me wonder...were my parents, at least in this respect, simply falling in line with American culture? Because isn't it this insatiable drive for the best that serves as the cornerstone of our society? This constant feeling of inadequacy that leads you on wild goose chases for the latest shoes & clothes, highest position at the best job, next best get-rich-quick scheme, next adrenaline-pumping activity.......isn't this The American Dream?
We want to be fulfilled but is that really ever possible? Will there ever be a point where we are no longer burdened with that "I gotta" feeling? Or is this chronic dissatisfaction just an indication that the American dream--the ability to reach for ever-higher ground--has finally been attained?
Then again, there's a chance I've actually missed the mark here and am projecting my own damage on you poor, unsuspecting souls who are actually quite fulfilled and satisfied with life........if that's the case, my bad!--disregard the above. ;-)
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Pink Defying Gravity
11 years ago
